


Title Of Your Sex Tape

by jaebirdbluetheawesome (GreyAreaSystem)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe - Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) Fusion, F/F, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:48:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21973105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyAreaSystem/pseuds/jaebirdbluetheawesome
Summary: It's Miraculous Ladybug Characters in a Brooklyn Nine-Nine setting, but Marinette is the ever-hyperactive Jake Peralta, Adrien is Amy Santiago, Nino is Gina, Alya is a cooler Boyle, Alix is Diaz, Max is a younger Holt, Kim is Kevin, Chloe and Sabrina are Hitchcock and Scully
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	1. The Murder In The Falafel Building

“Ok, Agreste, I hate to say it, but… I think you have a binder problem.” Detective Dupain-Cheng made a face at Sargent Agreste as he moved things about his impossibly organized desk.

“Damn son you got TOLD.” Nino had his feet kicked up on his desk, and papers strewn everywhere.

“Hey, I file HARD Dupain-Cheng. _Hard_.”

“ _The only thing I do hard is file_ , title of your sex tape, and Nin, you are literally the polar opposite. You are the Anti-Agreste in this situation. Which makes you equally as worse.” Mari pointed. Detective Cesaire snapped her fingers.

“Fuck off.” Nino went back to playing Kwazy Cupcakes on his phone and avoiding the piling work in his inbox.

“Dupain-Cheng, Cesaire, My office please.” Captain Max Kanté stood in the doorway.

“Yes, Captain?” They stood before him, Alya standing somewhat respectfully and Marinette just straight-up leaning on just about everything in reach.

“We have a double homicideon 8th and 32nd in a Falafel shop. The two victims were said to be customers, and killer also a customer. You will be expected to take the case.” He nodded at them and they left, Detective Dupain-Cheng knocking over a globe in the process.

They arrived on the scene and Detective Dupain-Cheng dramatically slid her sunglasses off her face. The EMT’s were all used to it by now, so they just ignored her. Alya nodded in an approving way. They high-five’d without looking.

“Excuse me, may I take your statement?” She tilted her head to a witness and tried to wink but ended up blinking several times as she got dust in her eye.

“Uh, yes.” A small older lady sat down at an outdoor hair and began to talk to them. “I was waiting in line for my food, as one should normally do in a food shop, and then this big, burley, man, about six-two, walked in and demanded he see the owner. But I have been here many times and know the owner never comes in behind the counter. And then he started talking some crazy talk about the Ukrainian mafia, and then he pulled out a gun and shot two people in the line in front of me. And then he left.”

“And did he threaten the people behind the counter in anyway, seem to use the customers as sort of hostages?” Detective Cesaire asked. As the lady talked and Alya wrote answers, Mari looked around for security cameras. She found nothing. Not even ones behind the counter. Odd.

“No, he only seemed to shoot them out of aggravation.” Her hands were shaking as she reached for her thermos of coffee.

“And what about the two people behind the counter? Where did they go?” Marinette asked.

“They ran out the back. They started running before he even pulled out the gun.” The two detectives looked at each other. Ukrainian Mafia. That was big around here, could have been basically anyone.

“Thank you, ma’am. We may be in contact if we find more information and need follow-up questions. In the meantime, we have a police sketch artist who is here for you to describe the man to.” Cesaire closed her notebook, and the two took a look around the crime scene.

“Took off before the gun was taken out? Seems pretty funky to me.” Alya mumbled under her breath and pretended to point something out.

“And shooting two random customers out of spite? And leaving an elderly-yet-still-not-that-old lady at the scene of the crime? As a witness? What is that all about?” Mari gestured towards a cabinet. She noted the old lady staring at her out of the corner of her eyes.

“Nette we need to head back to the precinct. Now. I think I have an idea.” Alya flipped her notebook shut and marched towards the car.

“So whats up?” Mari asked as soon as the doors were shut. “I wanna hear your take on this.”

“So the people leave before the gun is even seen. Fishy, right? so what if the place is money laundering and the man found out and wanted to speak to the owner. But why would he have a gun?” She prosed. “To kill the owner? But how would that work out, I mean mafia’s are mean people and killing someone fronting money laundering would be kinda bad news so this guy must work for someone special. High up in some other mafia. It was never about the money being launderd, but the people must have invaded another places space.” She talked on, not really having any leads to support this.

“Let’s check tapes from across the street.” Mari said as they pulled into the precinct parking spaces.

They dug out the videos from online files and started to search.

“Holy shit.” Mari mumbled.

“What, I don’t see anything.” Cesaire tilted her head back and forth. Mari rewinded the video on multiple different screens.

“You can’t see any sign of him having a gun anywhere on him from and angle of any tape. See? He’s wearing a tight fit, like a muscle shirt, and gym shorts. Should be extremely visible from these angles. But he’s got nothing. Let’s watch more.”

They watched the video over and over again, each time seeing him enter with no gun in a calm manner, and leave, also with no gun, extremely distraught. Mari had an idea, but absolutely no evidence back it whatsoever.

“I think I know what happened. But we need to get the lady back in here.”

“For follow-up questions?”

“No. For questing of a harsher kind. We need to revisit the crime scene, see the employee list, and look through transaction records. But after that…We get to play good cop bad cop.”

“Where did he pull the gun out of?” Alya was an expert at playing dumb smart cop. “Here, we see him enter with no gun. And, here, we see him leave, also with no gun. So, I need to ask you, Mrs. Mareya, when you were in line did you ever see him stash the gun you said you saw him pull out of his… Pants?” She offered.

“Ah, he had it under his shirt.” The old lady said confidently.

“Here?” She pointed to muscles you could clearly see.

“Definitely. Yes there.” She nodded her head. Marinette stepped in.

“But here we see a shirt so tight you can see clear and obvious muscles. That is on no way the shape of a gun. I carry one every day, I would know what one looks like and how to hide it.” She said, emptying the one that one on her side, and slamming the contents of it on the table to prove a point. “You said you never saw the owner in behind the counter. Why? and Why did the employees leave before the gun was ever taken out? Why would anyone be left alive at the scene of the crime? Maybe, you have never seen the owner behind the counter because you are the owner, and maybe, the employees left before the gun came out, and maybe,-”

“I didn’t do it.” The old lady whispered. Detective Dupain-Cheng pulled out a box of ready set evidence that set her as the owner and not just some bystander, large amount oof suspicious money movement, and several video tape screenshots.

“-You were left at the scene of the crime because you were the killer, and maybe, you had to kill the two customers because they heard a man from another rival mafia come in, unknowingly, to your falafel place, which is damn good by the way-”

“I couldn’t have done it, I’m too old” Mari ignored the old lady and kept droning on just in a louder voice.

“-And then you couldn't kill him because it would bring too much attention to your rivalry and would that would be too big if a risk and so you were forced to let him go, and then you called us to make you look innocent because who would ever call the police on themselves.” Mari stood proudly over the old lady as she started to cry.

“Oh damn.” Alya whispered.

“Yeah, the crying part usually makes me feel so much better when it’s not someone of this age.” Marinette said under her breath as the old lady started to confess.


	2. The Break-In At The Jewelry Store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Detectives Kubdel and Dupain-Cheng search a jewelry store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god I hope you guys know I don't live in New York so I'm just kinda making up street names and hoping that they're in Brooklyn please don't give me shit for it.

Nino swivelled around in his chair and rolled it over to Captain Kantés office door.

“Hey. Your husband is coming in to see you around this time.” He said, glancing up from his phone for only a second.

“Yes I can see that.” Max rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. Kim, who was already in the room and had been for several minutes, was concerned with this complete lack of professionalism.

“You just… let him? Do that?” He asked. "He just stays on his phone all the time, doing nothing and you allow it?"

“Oh, he seems terrible, and I honestly don’t know how, but somehow he keeps this whole place running all on his own and keeps everything going smoothly in an emotional way. But anyway,” They continued their conversation on whatever it had been that they were talking about, and Nino slowly rolled back the two feet his desk was from Kantés door.

“Yo Dupain-Cheng I got a B&E on seventh in a jewelry store, you wanna tag along?” Detective Kubdel leaned on her desk.

“Oh you know me so well.” Mari stood up and grabbed her jacket.

“It’s our job.” Alix pretended to be confused.

“Oh shut up I know you asked me because you know I love B&E’s.” Let it be said for the record, B&E stands for Breaking and Entering (…and Probably Stealing).

“Dude this place looks… actually pretty clean for a B&E.” Detective Dupain-Cheng looked all around for clues, and came up with very little.

“Forensics are on their way.” Detective Kubdel put her phone in her pocket, and also took a look around. She put on gloves and started to open and close different windows. They were fairly old-styled.

“So what do we know about the security of this place?”

“No building system, only on the cases holding expensive things, but the perp may or may not have known that because they made sure to carefully open the window. See?” She easily slid the lower half of one of the windows up and down. “The other ones were stuck shut from never being opened but this one was slippery. We’ll have to ask the owner. Where is she, by the way?” Alix headed back out towards the front, and found the building owner giving a statement to an officer. As soon as she was finished, they started their own questioning process.

“Ma’am, may I ask how often you use this window?” Detective Kubdel asked.

“Oh, it’s the only window I use. The other ones case more drafts.” She said, confused as to why they would ask that question.

“Damnit.” Alix looked around, and then thought of something else. “How often do you have it open?”

“Oh, usually just in the morning and evenings.”

“I think the perp came in through the window because the door handle didn't seem to be tempered with, and the vents were securely shut so no one messed with those, unless there were two people and one screwed the vent shut, but that would jut be weird, no one would do that,-”

“Well I do have security cameras but I didn’t notice they were facing the wrong way until this morning. I have no idea how long they could have been facing the wrong way for.” The lady didn’t seem to be too shaken up, just a little disappointed, but thats just how things are sometimes in the Nine-Nine. 

“Do you have them backed up to anywhere?” Detective Dupain-Cheng asked, but the building owner shook her head.

“No, but however I DO have an SD card in the back. i just hope they were not smart enough to take it out.” Detective Kubdel grabbed a step-stool and took the camera off the wall. She messed around with it until a piece of it hoped open and Alix pulled an SD card out of it.

“Thank you, ma’am. I will have Evidence take a look at this.” Kubdel put the card in her pocket, bagged the evidence, and checked in with the forensics team that she wanted the windows to be throughly double- and triple-checked before heading out.

The two detectives climbed into the car, and headed back to the precinct.

“So, um, just checking in with you about something.” Mari said in a higher tine than normal.

“Yeah?” Alix turned down a corner.

“Did you by chance… _unlock_ the windows before testing them all?” Dupain-Cheng gave her a second to let that sink in.

“FUCK,” Alix yelled, and started driving to precinct faster.

“Because, I was gonna say,-”

“Don't you finish that fucking sentence. Yes. I know exactly what you are going to say. ‘pretty fishy of a jewelry store to have unlocked windows’-” Alix did her worst impression of Dupain-Cheng and she growled about it, “-So that means that whoever did it knew to unlock the windows beforehand but they must have tried different windows before and not locked them back up again because even the ones that were not open-able were also unlocked so they had to un-lock all of them because they had probably known one of them would open and he rest wouldn't but they couldn’t remember which one so they just- UGH- they opened all of them.”

“Which means the person who did it was-”

“PROBABLY A FORMER EMPLOYEE!” Alix yelled, driving way to fast for a city.

“I was gonna say an ex, but your’s sounds better.” Mari looked sideways out the window.

“God, why didn’t I think to ask her of she had fired anyone in the past.” Kubdel slammed her fist onto the steering wheel, then put her hand on the shifter.

“Another theory is a common customer.” Mari said quietly, but Alix shook her head violently.

“HAS to be a former employee who worked there a ling time ago so they remembered enough that the window was open in the morning, but didn't remember enough to know which window it was. FUCK.” She slammed her fist on the steering wheel again, but more gently this time. That how Mari knew she was getting close to figuring out who it could be.

As soon as they got back to the precinct, Alix practically ran to Records. She pulled files from the stores former employees, as well as background checks on all of them. One had a record of showing back up to places that had fired him and sticking around for no reason and just plain being annoying. She pumped her fist in the air at her desk.

“Hey Kubdel.” Dupain-Cheng yelled from her desk. “I Think I have a picture of your guy. He’s a cute one.” The man in the video did in fact match the man in Alix’s file. “I was doing research on this particular camera, and apparently it has super wide angles but like, it has like a lens or something that makes it look like it doesn’t see very much but the lens is like one-way glass. So that’s why he thought he was out of sight of the camera but he wasn’t. Fantastic, huh?”

“Yeah yeah yeah cool cool cool cool cool just send me the picture ok? And have you heard back from the lab yet? No, Lix, they are _still_ there. We’ve only been back like twenty minutes, and it only took us ten to get here with you driving like a maniac.”

“Alix!” Sargent Agreste glared at him, “Why would you endanger the lives of your coworkers?”

“What so driving like that by myself is ok? You only give a shit if Dupain-Cheng's life is on the line.” Kubdel teased, and Agreste went back to work… but not before Dupain-Cheng caught a blush. She smiled at him while she thought he wasn’t looking, but he glanced up, and they both blushed hard.

***********************

“Just heard from the lab and guess what?”

“What?” Dupain-Cheng didn't look up from her coffee she was making.

“My rant in the car was right. It was an old co-worker who knew that some of the windows were stuck shut but he didn’t remember which ones so he tried one but it didn’t work so he had to go back and unlock all of the windows so he could try them all until one of them opened.”

“And how did the lab manage to confirm this?” Mari looked up as she took a sip.

“They had fingerprint that match out guy on one window that are older than the rest. Every single one of the windows has fingerprints on it. The idiot didn’t get it right until the last try.”

“Technically every time you get it right is the last try because its the last time that you need… to try…” Captain Kanté said from the doorway of the break room. He walked in and grabbed a bag of tea. Then he promptly left.

"So why are you gonna do about the missing jewelry?"

"Shut up and let me ride this close while I'm on it."

“Well, at least you have this. Glad to know you were right.” Dupain-Cheng raised her coffee mug as if to cheers, and Alix fist-bumped the mug.

“Oh ow, thats hot. Anyway, want go arrest someone?”

“I’m still on break, Lix.”

“Wanna go rest someone in ten minutes?”

“Yeah aight I’m down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I can't wait to do the Halloween Heist chapter. It's gonna be L-I-T


	3. HALLOWEEN HEIST BICHIZ YASSSSSSS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HALLOWEEN HEIST!!!! HALLOWEEN HEIST!!!! HALLOWEEN HEIST!!!! HALLOWEEN HEIST!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pardon my grammar mistakes, I have gotten to bored to care,

The only time Marinette had been on-time to work in her life was on October 31st. Halloween Day.

She arrived at work not only on-time, but in fact, she even arrived early. Seven. Hours. Early.

She had a key she had stolen, copied, and replaced, from a night janitor, and broke into her own office. She tool her time placing certain wires in places, messing with the wiring on the elevator which was probably highly illegal but it’s ok they’re cops, and replacing some of the ceiling tiles with weaker ones. And then she locked the place back up, went home, and was once again: late for work.

* * *

“Hey Agreste, is that my scrunchie?” Alya pretended to point out, but it was supposed to be just a decoy. An influence. A moment where someone sets up a greater path in life with a simple act that is seemingly indifferent.

“Ha-ha Cesairé, very funny.” Agreste picked up the scrunchie, and put it onto his wrist. “You know what, since this scrunchie is on my desk and is therefore suddenly my property, I guess I’ll have to wear it around you all day and you will have to suffer with watching me wear it.” He stuck his tongue out at her, and Cesairé feigned anger. She turned away and winked at Mari who nonchalantly looked over at her computer. It was working.

“Everyone. Briefing room. Now.” Captain Kanté was a big fan of the halloween heists, and was very on board with the scheme of it all.

* * *

“It is known that on this day, we all fight for the title of being the most amazing human/person. And it is in this hour, we shall pick teams, as if they haven’t already been decided, and then we may begin the heist.” He said in the most formal of tones. “Assuming, of course, we all manage to continue to keep up with our work while doing this manner?” He raised an eyebrow at Marinette, and she nodded, knowing he was looking at her without even seeing it directly. Chloe sniffed loudly in the back.

“As I was last years winner, I will go first. I choose Agreste.” The Captain nodded at him, and they shared a knowing look.

“I get Als.” Mari smirked.

“I believe Sabrina and I will be working together.” Chloe said snootily, and everyone on the room let out a small laugh.

“What?” Sabrina put her hands on her hips. “Do you think that just because we’re on desk duty means we can’t pull off a heist?” Everyone hastily rushed to disagree, hoping they really weren’t up to something. But then again, they had back-up plans that would counter anything Chloe and Sabrina could do.

“I want to have Nino and Alix as part of my trio.” Lieutenant Ivan waved in their general direction, and they moved over to his table.

“And what about the object we should use?” Chloe Prompted.

“How about this scrunchie, since Alya seems to want it back so bad.” Adrien teased her. She frowned at him.

“Then I guess it’s settled,” The Captain said, and proceeded to place it on an open pedestal. The team watched as he put the open pedestal onto the open floor of the bullpen, and then they waited. Everyone started at each other, daring someone to make a move, as they slowly proceeded back to their desks. They all sat down, and the day continued as normal, just with extra glaring to and fro around the room. About fifteen minutes passed by, when Marinette nodded to Alya, and made the first move.

* * *

The scrunchie was flung into the air as it was pulled with a great amount of force. No one even had time to think about grabbing it as Alya pulled it into the elevator with her fishing line, and made a grand motion of pushing the “down” button just before the doors closed.

“She’s headed downstairs!” Alix yelled, as everyone rushed towards the stairs. They clamored down through the stairwell, down to the one remaining lower level. But when they got there, the doors didn’t open.

“That son of a bitch!” Sabrina yelled dramatically, and flung herself onto the floor.

Thee minutes earlier, Mari had dropped a fishing hook over the top of it as she had passed it by, and it caught. Then Alya had pulled it backwards with a fishing line that no one had seen Marinette pulling. It was so thin, it was nearly invisible.

“Oh my god did they fall for it?” Alya was shaking with anticipation as she opened the door to Marinette standing on the ground level wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses for the dramatics.

“They fell like monkeys off the bed.” She grinned, and they high-fived. Then Mari put the scrunchie in her inner pocket, and traded places with Detective Cesairé as she went outside to suspiciously disappear.

* * *

“So…Detective… Dupain-Cheng…” Sargent Agreste said really slowly. Mari almost found it hot.

“Yes, Sergeant Agreste?” She teased.

“Did you find that special water you were looking for… for your… fake plant?” He toyed with one of the leaves proving her plant to be fake. She recoiled in fake horror.

“ADRIEN AGRESTE! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS! The water I choose for my special plants are of the utmost importance to me!” She leaned back and pulled her plant with her, making a twisted up expression. Chloe came up and stood next to her.

“Yeah, Adrien, how dare you accuse her of having a fake plant for her to hide her scrunchie in!” Chloe waved her hands everywhere, and Sabrina popped up next to her. Marinette jumped in surprise and confusion. Adrien narrowed his eyes, then walked into Kanté’s office.

Chloe smiled devilishly. Marinette almost rolled her eyes, wondering why Chloe was smiling over such a small accomplishment of pointing out something so obvious. It was whatever. The scrunchie in question was in her jacket pocket anyway. She had put a fake in the plant container. it was a similar copy, but instead of Alya’s secret initials written on it, it had ‘boi ya dum’ on the lining instead.

* * *

Four hours later, Sargent Agreste fell from the ceiling. He fell with a loud crash, as he had just ripped out several ceiling tiles as well as the metal strips that were holding them up. His legs came down first, which was hilarious, and his weight ended up bringing down the rest of it. Marinette laughed so hard she fell from her chair to the floor, before remembering she should at least be pretending to fight for the false scrunchie back. She scrambled up for the floor as Sargent Agreste rolled out of the rubble, his initial shock fading. She yanked his out by his shirt collar, and held his face level with hers.

“Give me my scrunchie back.” She growled at him.

“Mari…” He choked, “As hot as this is, I’m gonna have to say no.” He smiled, thinking she had just confirmed the scrunchie was in the plant he was holding, and took off away from her. She half-assedly attempted to follow him into the captain’s office, and he shut the door in her face. She grinned at the closed door, realized she was smiling at nothing, and then headed back over to her desk. She then checked in on the tracking device to make sure it was still working. It was. She smiled in relief, and nodded to Alya, who was quietly slipping back in. Her plan was seeming to unfold perfectly. Which was suspicious.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Adrien left Kanté’s office, looking oddly confident. Marinate could feel the scrunchies in her pocket, not bothering to check if it was the real one,and wondered what he could be so smiley about.

* * *

“Wait, where’s the real scrunchie?” Nino was thoroughly confused on what just happened. One of his best friend fell from the ceiling, seemingly having a scruchie, but notices his other best friend smiling at the door that he had closed in her face.

“I know, right? I thought I had the real one, but apparently I also have one of the decoys.” Alix was sitting cross-legged on the table in an interrogation room. Ivan rubbed his temples, and then face-planted into the table.

“So your telling me… We have no idea how many decoy’s there are?” He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. Nino nodded, and Alix sighed.

“There could be a hundred scrunchies in this building, and we would have no idea.” Nino tried to think of a positive, and came up with nothing.

“So I guess we… Start looking?” Alix swung her legs off the table, and began scouring over everything in hopes of finding a scrunchie. They split up, trying to look non-suspicious, and pulled together as manny scrunchies as possible.

* * *

“Leut, what the fuck are you doing?” Sargent Agreste peered suspiciously as the Lieutenant looked through Agreste’s pencil holders.

“Absolutely nothing.” Ivan said, stupidly.

“So if your doing nothing?… Can you do it away from my things?” Ivan pretended to accidentally knock over his pencil holders, and things went everywhere. As the OCD Agreste struggled to put things back quickly, Nino sneaked over and started opening various drawers and searching.

“Get away from my desk, BOTH of you!” Adrien swatted his best friend over the head with a manilla folder, and they both retreated quickly, defeated.

Alix, meanwhile, was going through the kitchen. She found one behind just about everything, under anything, and between everything else. She tried to sneakily to slip them into her pockets, but it really wasn’t woking after she found about fifteen. She then proceeded to make trips back and forth between various rooms and go back for more.

They came up with thirty-two different scrunchies. They stared at the pile on the table on theinterrogation room, absolutely dumbfounded.

“What do we do with this information?” Alix rubbed her chin with her hands as she leaned on the table.

“I have honestly no idea.” Ivan walked out of the room.

“Seven hours left until modnight, and we are at a complete loss and have negative leads. What the fuck.” Nino mumbled.

“What the fuck indeed.” Alix growled.

* * *

Marinette was also throughly confused, but as to why people were freaking out all around her. She was trying hard to pretend not to notice, but she couldn't help but wonder. She decided to check and see if her tracker was still working, just in case, and noticed it was. Then she noticed the little dot on her screen flicker, and shut off. She swore, and waited for a few minutes to pass, as to not look suspicious, and then headed to the equipment room.

She pulled the scrunchie out of her pocket and nearly screamed when she found out she had been tricked. The hair band in her hand had ‘gurl ya dum’ written on it in silver sharpie. She threw it at the wall, and marched out of the equipment room.

Detective Dupain-Cheng grabbed Alya by the back of her shirt and tugged her gently towards the elevator. Detective Cesaré silently complied, though somewhat confused, and as soon as the doors closed both girls started talking.

“Did you betray me?” Mari asked.

“What happened?” Alya said at the same time.

“Wait so you didn’t?” Mari took a step back.

“Oh my god did you lose it?” Alya looked horrified, and Mari almost went into a state of shock.

“It was on the inside of your jacket, which stayed zipped the whole time, right?”

“I have no idea who could have taken it.” Mari was on the verge of a full-blown mental breakdown.

“Holy shit I don’t either.”

“Are you sure you checked it was the right one when you pulled it into the elevator this morning?” Mari tried to think back to square one.

“Yes I checked it, it was the first thing I did, and no one else should be aware of my name being written on it since i did that the first thing this morning.” The doors opened, and they realized they actually had to go somewhere.

“It’s even the sam sentence I wrote on the other one, but with ‘gurl’ instead of ‘boi’.” Mari tucked her hair behind her ears, and walked out into the sunlight. Six hours to go, and she had no idea what was going on.

* * *

“Detective Agreste, what are the… goings-on out there.” Captain Kanté asked, the final confused person.

“Well, when I had fallen out of the ceiling to give you that fake, which I was unaware was a fake because she tried so hard to protect it, I thought she had been aware is was a fake after a while, just protecting into throw me off, but fifteen minutes ago she dragged Alya out by her shirt, so I’m assuming Marinette has had a fake since this morning. They should be back anytime soon, but know thing them it could take a while.”  
“So, you are saying Alya could have given her a false one this morning, switched them in the elevator, and handed Detective Dupain-Cheng the false one? And Dupain-Cheng has been protecting a false and Cesairé has the real one right now?” Kanté waved a pen in the sir as he talked.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Interesting.”

“Also, the trio have been kinda acting strangely. They’ve been looking all through the cabinets and everything, and I believe they may be looking to round up all the possible fakes. But from what I’ve been been able to count for, they seem to have… they seem to have more than I placed.”

“Oh, that certainly… shakes things up.” Captain Kanté nodded, and then smirked. “If this is the work of Raincomprix and Bourgeois, I don’t believe we will have much to worry about in this case. As long as that they’re doing is just hiding silly things, we shouldn’t worry too much here.”

“Yes sir.”

“So currently, our number one suspect should be Deceive Cesairé.” Sargent Agreste nodded in agreement. He turned to walk out of Kanté’s office, but as he walked out the door the elevator opened. Both detectives Dupin-Cheng and Cesairé were exiting, looking pissed. Adrien tried to use his detective skills to see what was wrong between them, but from what he could see they were pissed at someone else together. They walked should to shoulder, glaring at the same people at the same time. Then Mari whispered something in Alya’s ear, making her turn to glare at him. He immdialey turned around and went back into the Captains office.

“We have a big problem.”

* * *

Everyone glared at each other in suspicion, but were all working nonetheless. It was still a business day. After two hours of nothing happening, Chloe cheered. “I did it! I found the scrunchie!” Sabrina said loudly, while Chloe clapped.

“You idiots, there are a hundred fakes lying around. if you found it in the kitchen it’s not a real one.” Nino yelled from his desk.

“And if it doesn’t have my name on it, it’s also not real.” Alya grumbled loudly, and receiving a pointed look from Marinette. Alya shrugged, and Mari sighed.

“Wait, really?” Alix raised an eyebrow.

“None of the fakes could have her name on it, She waiting until this morning to write it, so no one would copy it.” Marinette joined her in revealing their super special information in the season of partially giving up.

“Awe, so I didn’t find it?” Sabrina made a pouty face, and sat back down in her chair.

“Interesting.” Alix looked back at her computer, but everyone noticed Ivan head back towards an interrogation room. A few minutes later, Alix and Nino followed.

* * *

“Nothing.” Ivan shook his head, and they all left feeling defeated. Four hours to go and they were still at a loss.

* * *

Two and a half hours went by, and Marinette was getting impatient. There had NEVER been such an uneventful halloween heist, meaning ether no one had the scrunchies it was lost, or whoever sis have had been winning since the beginning.

Marinette was so impatient, she started hard-core detective-ing. She searched people desks from a distance, checked everyones messages by looking over their shoulders, and even rewinding security tapes. She came up with absolutely nothing. She couldn’t even find her own shenanigans amongst the mess. She gave up on the tapes, and stressfully went back to her own desk, when she saw Adriens computer go off. It was a Facebook notification, from a fake Anime character account.

“Oooooh, did you and the Captain get fake profiles to talk to each other in code?” Mari leaned over his shoulder, uncomfortably close, but was met with confusion.

“No, we didn’t,” he said, opening the message to reveal it was the first. “I have no idea who this is.” The message consisted of nothing but an address of 1102 Baker street, at the time of 5:56, and the word “basement”.

“Basement? Is that, like, a code you and someone have to meet each other somewhere that isn’t a Basement” Mari questioned him further, not believing him that he didn’t know the person. He really didn’t.

“I really don’t know this person!” He insisted. Mari proceeded to yell the contents of the message out loud, and everyone looked at each other. Then they all collectively noticed the two idiots in the corner gasp loudly. They whole group mentally rolled their eyes, as Sabrina and Chloe took off quickly.

“Ok, now that dumb and dumber are out of the way, I think the address is actually written in a different code and it’s different than it’s written as. I think the time is the real address and the written one is the time, which would make sense since we are much closer to 11:02, about a half an hour away, than we are to 5:56. So we go to 556 baker street at 11:02.”

“And the opposite of the basement would be the rooftop.” Alya added.

“Also true.” Marinette pointed to her. Everyone looked at each other, no one really knowing what to do.

“Are we really about to follow instructions from some random person we aren;t even sure is in on this heist? I mean, it could totally be someone who’s a criminal and could just try and take us all out at once.” Ivan pointed out. Everyone seemed to take a collective breath, and think the same thing.

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Marinette grabbed her gun, and ran for the elevator, Alya in tow. Everyone else scrambled for their own things, and Adrien yelled for the Captain to follow them. Kanté burst out of his office, and was immediately swept up by the crowd of people. He joined all six of the others in the elevator, and Alya pushed down to go up. When they reached the ground level, they all hurried out the door. Nino pulled up the address on his phone, and they crammed themselves into Ivan’s mini van. Nino was directing from the passenger seat, and they were all impatient to make it on time.

* * *

They furiously climbed the stairs, all anxious to be the first person through, but when they got to the top they found nothing.

“It’s 11:00 even. I guess we just sit here for a second?” Ivan offered. They all hurriedly nodded, and then sat down on the roof. Just in case something went wrong, alit had her hand on her gun and was looking ou for anything.

The clock hit 11:02. And nothing happened. Suddenly, Alix spoke.

“Hey guys?” She asked.

“Yeah?” Several people responded.

“Did anyone actually bother to check if it really wasn’t the champion scrunchie

Sabrina was holding?” She asked. Several people swore loud’y. “And did anyone notice she had pulled it out of a place I had already searched thoroughly through?” She was met with yet more groans. “And did anyone see where they actually went off to when they left?” They all sighed an extremely defeated sigh. Adrien phone started ringing. it was an incoming FaceTime call from Chloe.

“Hey losers, whatcha doing?” Chloe asked innocently. At least, as innocently as you can while calling people losers.

“Chloe, I swear to god, if you have the goddamn scrunchies I will-” Mari was cut off by Sabrina holding the signed in Alya’s obvious handwriting up to the screen. Mari let out a pterodactyl-like screech and everyone knew.

“Chloe, where are you?” Adrien asked. She gained triumphantly.

“Across town, about an hour away, in Shaws bar. You’ll never be able to come and take it from in time.” She smiled, and everyone knew it was over.

“We’ll see you in 50.” Adrien grumbled, and hung up.

* * *

Everyone piled back into Ivan’s van, and Mari sat down next to Sargent Agreste. She didn’t notice his muscles tense when she placed herself next to him, or how he pretended to loom anywhere but at her when she leaned on him, or how he turned bright red when she placed her head his shoulders. She didn’t notice any of it.

* * *

“So… How did you do it?” Everyone waited the annual ‘behind the scenes of how I kicked your asses’ story from the winner, and she grinned like a maniac.

“Step one… delete all the footage of Marinette fucking everything up because she was stupid enough not to, and I had to do it for her.” Chloe bragged.

“I… What?” She stuttered. She had no idea how that helped Chloe any. 

“I went in the moment after you left, and messed up everything further. I planted the thirty-seven decoy’s all over the precinct.” She wiggled her shoulder proudly. “Next step was getting in your heads. Marinette, Adrien saw you and Alya comparing tracker sizes to the scrunchie months ago. So he bought some new ones and hid them in his desk. He just forgot to move them out of his desk and I found them in there after he asked me to grab something out of it for him. I happily took that as an opportunity to snoop.” She climbed onto the bar stool.

“Rude.” He grumbled.

“So then I continued to switch his fakes with my own fakes,” She continued.

“Double fakes.” Alya grumbled.

“Then when you, Adrikins, suggested you use her scrunchie exactly as Marinette planned, and as he planned with the switch, he had handed Captain Kanté MY fake. I had also planted the exact same tracker you had so it would be the exact same size and weight you both thought it should be.” Marinette could not believe it had gone this wrong.

“And what about when Adrien fell out of the ceiling? The one he thought he had pulled off of Miss Dupain-Chengs desk, but it turned out to be a false one?” The Captain asked.

“Triple fake.” Chloe continued,“Well, actually, it was Mari's fake I also had to count on her planting. I just needed to count on Mari getting it first, so I gave her the idea of the fishing line. I just had no idea he would fall out of the ceiling.” Marinate grumbled as she remembered the time Chloe was playing with fishing line in the Nine-Nine and she thought up a grand plan. “So when I knew she had it, I stole it, replaced it with one of the many fakes, and off I went.”

“What about my writing on it? I wrote my name only on one, and made sure no one had seen my writing on it, and when I checked it in the elevator, it did have my handwriting on it.”

“Oh, that was yours. I had switched them when they were on the floor when no one happened to be looking bc none of you notice anything on the floor.”

“Your plan really relied on Marinette a lot, huh?” Lieutenant Ivan narrowed his eyes.

“What can I say, she’s a predictable little hoe.” Chloe shrugged, batting her eyelashes. Adrien gently kicked her in the shins. She rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, then what. Get on with it.” Marinette growled.

“So then of course, Nino realized his copy he had found under Mari’s desk wasn’t real after the ceiling incident, that little team started to question how many fakes really were running around, started to collect several others I had also planted, then I got Marinette confused by messing with her tracker so she would notice she had lost her real copy, and then it was all-out chaos from there.”

“And you just… kept pretending to be looking for it when you had it all along?” Nino was utterly and completely baffled.

“Uh, yeah basically.” Chloe got down off of her table. “Now give me the crown.” She demanded, and they crowned her temporary queen of the Nine-Nine, and Amazing Genius/Person. And thus ended the Halloween Heist of 2020.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Doug Judy :)


End file.
